Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
