Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
birth control should be required to get into college
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
