Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
