Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
