You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
