I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
