i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
