it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
