are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
