Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
