i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
