I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
