I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
