there's paper in my vomit.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
