We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
