I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
