omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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