At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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