are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
