so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Are my feet made of real feet?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
