Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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