Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
