hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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