I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
