Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
