I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
