I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
