Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
