It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
