sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
