Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
