i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
