I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
