If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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