Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
