I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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