I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
