The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
