I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
