I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
