Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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