I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
