So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
