What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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