my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
