Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
