You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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