Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
