Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
