Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
