so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
